Leaving the Dock
Photo courtesy of Gratisography
Thursday, December 25th, 2025A year ago today, Griticism released its 35th and final podcast episode.
It ran for the entirety of 2024—and honestly, it feels like a lifetime ago.
That year included: a wild idea to start a podcast, a hardcore workout program, the abrupt end of a long-term relationship, moving out of my home, grieving that breakup, selling the house, a big birthday trip to Vegas, a frantic search for answers, and eventually… letting go. Not gracefully, but out of desperation, just to see what could happen.
Now this is the last Gritstorm blog post of 2025, and somehow this year, became something else entirely.
It’s been silly and incredibly fun and very surprising. Eye-opening in ways I could have never expected. It did not look productive by my usual metrics: money, job advancement, capital-L Life Milestones.
My post break-up plans were stricter, safer, and deeply boring–and they would have failed me anyway.
This year, I was freely given things I thought I wasn’t allowed to want, or even ask for. I learned about what I need, and once I had these new possibilities in the palm of my hand—once they become normal—well, I can’t unsee them now.
That’s a great start. The problem is: knowing that isn’t enough.
2025 had plenty of days where I was lazy, unmotivated, cranky, and self-sabotaging. The kind of days where you get sick of your own bullshit. Where even your coping mechanisms start rolling their eyes.
My sticker charts have stopped working. (RIP - at least for now)
A friend of mine—who’s been known to talk a big game—built herself a website and launched her private therapy practice. And I am so proud of her. She’s worked hard for this and she deserves it!
And in my mind, I thought, if she can do this then I have zero excuse. I had been talking about building a website forever. So I finally bit the bullet and did it. I spent way too long perfecting the homepage, then deleted most of it so I wouldn’t overwhelm myself, and landed on the one manageable thing I thought I could handle: the blog.
Posting on the 5s—5th, 15th, 25th—is just enough pressure to keep me awake in my own life. A loose record instead of a blur. Proof that time is passing and I am, in fact, still here.
I didn’t want to say the same thing over and over again in my blog. That’s boring for you. It’s boring for me. I wanted to write about progress—which meant I’d actually have to make some. And I wanted to make real progress, not just performative. I wanted my life to change, which meant I’d have to change my life.
Progress, for me, started with recognizing that I was unhappy. I felt stagnant, trapped, unappreciated and angry at work - classic victim mentality. I recognized that I was unwilling to live like that anymore. I believe that feelings of anger point to where I’m not taking responsibility in my life. Even though some parts of my life were genuinely good, other parts were absolutely ripe for change.
Many years ago, I came across a quote by Julia Cameron, “Survival lies in sanity and sanity lies in paying attention.” Once I started paying attention, things began to shift. And once things shifted, I started feeling alive again.
When I finally accepted that no one was coming to flip the “life change” switch for me - and I’d have to do it myself - everything started speeding up. Nothing is final. Everything is still under construction. But things are moving. It’s exciting and terrifying and tender and overwhelming—and I’m here for it. All of it.
Even if it falls flat.
Steering your own ship doesn’t mean calm seas. It just means I’ve stopped pretending I didn’t see the storm rolling in.
This year wasn’t about arriving anywhere… it was about leaving the dock.
So I’m out here, losing sight of the shore. Still learning how to steer. Still paying attention.
And that’s enough for now.
Stay Gritty